


life or death

by transbuck



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-02-28 20:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18763333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transbuck/pseuds/transbuck
Summary: When all is said and done and everyone's been evacuated from the tipped over firetruck, the first thing Eddie notices is that Buck is nowhere to be found.





	life or death

**Author's Note:**

> hey hi hewwo!! tomorrows the night fellas!! for those of yall who follow me on tumblr (@diazbuckley!!), i think yall already know what my Theory has been for the "life or death situation" buck faces. if you dont follow me and dont know my theory, then just keep readin, cause this fic is what i imagine is gonna happen. part of me hopes im wrong, and part of me hopes im right. ig we'll find out tomorrow night!!  
> anyway!! i hope yall enjoy this!! comments and kudos make my world go round ♥

The one thing no one was expecting to happen tonight was for the truck they were all sitting in to explode and tip over. Then again, the unexpected seems to happen just about every single day. Thankfully, everyone managed to make it out of the truck unscathed and safe, albeit a little shaken up.

When all is said and done and everyone's been evacuated from the tipped over firetruck, though, the first thing Eddie notices is that Buck is nowhere to be found. He whips his head around the gathered crowd, searching frantically for any sign of that familiar mess of blonde hair. No matter where he looks, he can't seem to find Buck, though, and he feels the panic slowly start to seep in.

"Hey, have either of you seen Buck?" Eddie asks as he makes his way over to where Hen and Chimney are talking.

"I thought he was with you?" Hen says in response.

"No, I've been looking all over, but I can't find him," Eddie replies, voice teetering on the edge of desperate. He's trying to keep it together because he's sure there's a very logical explanation as to where Buck has run off to, but he's struggling to imagine what that reasoning could be.

Chimney opens his mouth to say something in response, but he's cut off by the sound of someone shouting, "Help!" from a little ways away. Eddie's blood runs cold as the three of them turn towards the source of the voice, because that voice sounds way too familiar and it's making him feel a little sick to his stomach. When he finally turns fully and sees who exactly had shouted for help, Eddie feels his stomach drop down to the ground.

Because that voice was Buck's.

And Buck is sitting on the ground, struggling to get his leg out from underneath the truck. "Buck!" Eddie shouts, ignoring whatever Hen and Chimney say to him to rush over to his best friend's side. When he kneels down next to Buck, he sees tears streaming down his face.

"Eds, I can't- I can't get it out! I can't—" Buck cuts himself off to take a shaking, gasping breath, eyes wide and panicked. "Eddie, I don't want to die, I don't want to—"

 "You're not gonna die," Eddie interrupts gently, trying to stay calm despite how badly he wants to burst out into tears because he  _just_ lost someone he loves, he can't do it again. He reaches for Buck's hands, carefully pries them away from where they're urgently yanking on his trapped leg. Eddie's thankful that he's only being crushed just below his knee instead of his whole leg, but the fact that Buck's crushed beneath the truck in the first place terrifies him. He keeps Buck's hands in his once they're off his leg, mindlessly interlacing their fingers. Whether it's to calm himself down or to calm Buck down, he doesn't know, and he doesn't want to think about it long enough to figure it out. "You're not gonna die, Evan, I promise."

"You don't know that!" Buck replies, chest heaving as he struggles to breathe. "I can't die, Eds, I'm not ready to die! I can't- I can't die without telling you how I feel!"

Eddie frowns, furrows his brows as he gently squeezes Buck's hands. "Evan, what are you talking about?"

Buck makes a pained whimper as he tries to force his leg out again, this time hands-free. Eddie removes one hand from Buck's to gently rest it on the knee just above Buck's wound to try and get him to stop doing what he's doing. "Eddie, I love you," Buck murmurs desperately through his sobs. That little confession makes Eddie go wide-eyed and leaves his mind reeling a little. With those three words,  _I love you_ , Eddie realizes that he feels the same exact way. But this isn't the time to express those feelings out loud—he'll confess to Buck that he loves him too as soon as Buck is safe. For now, he has to focus on calming Buck down while someone, probably Hen or Chimney, comes up with a plan on how to get Buck out from underneath the truck. Buck continues, tears falling even harder now, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Eds, I love you. Tell Chris that I'm sorry—"

"Hey, no, none of that," Eddie interrupts, moving his hands to gently cup Buck's cheeks. He forces Buck's forehead against his own carefully before saying, "You're not gonna die on me, Evan. Before you know it, you'll be spending the evening at my place and playing around with Christopher like always. Okay? You're not dying on me. I'm not losing another person I love." He knows the last part is a little emotionally loaded, but honestly, he's just kind of word vomiting to keep Buck with him. He's actually kind of surprised that Buck hasn't passed out from the pain yet, but then again, shock is a hell of a drug. "You're not going anywhere, Evan. I'm not gonna let you die."

Buck sniffles, takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I'm scared," he murmurs, and out of nowhere, Eddie feels Buck's hands firmly gripping the backs of his shoulders. "It hurts."

"I know. I know, Evan. I'm scared too," Eddie replies, shifting to sit fully on the ground now. "But it's gonna be okay. I'm right here, okay? I'm right here." Buck nods slowly, groaning from the intense pain that Eddie has no doubt that he's feeling, moving his head to rest his face where Eddie's neck meets his shoulder.

Eddie's about to say something else, what, he isn't sure, when a shout of his name from behind him startles him. He turns toward the source only to find Hen and Chimney waving him over. He slowly starts to worm out of Buck's grasp, which makes Buck panic. "No, no, no, no, don't go!" Buck exclaims, fingers scrambling to grab Eddie and hold him close. "Please, no, I can't be alone, please don't go."

"Hey, hey, sweetheart," Eddie whispers, and he doesn't quite mean for the pet name to come out, but it's out in the open now, and there's nothing he can do about it. "It's okay. I'm just gonna be right over there," he gestures toward Hen and Chimney with his thumb. "I think they're gonna tell me what we're gonna have to do about your leg, okay? I'll be right where you can see me. And then I'll come back over and I'll tell you what we're gonna do. Okay?" It takes Buck a moment, but eventually, he nods shakily and lets go of Eddie. Just before Eddie stands and walks toward Hen and Chimney, he presses a firm kiss to Buck's forehead that he doesn't realize he placed until he's made it to the two paramedics and they're giving him twin looks of confusion. He pointedly ignores the way they look from Buck to Eddie.

"How bad is it?" Hen asks after a moment.

"Pretty bad," Eddie replies, glancing over at Buck. He smiles and waves at Buck to remind him that he's not alone. Slowly, he turns back to Hen and Chimney. "He's pretty wedged underneath there. He was really struggling to pull himself out, but I was afraid he was gonna hurt himself even more by doing that."

"That's what I was afraid of," Chimney mutters. "How much of him is stuck?"

"Just below his knee. Left leg," Eddie says.

"Think our best course of action here is to cut him out of there," Chimney says after a moment, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

"You're kidding," Eddie replies concernedly. "There's gotta be some other way to get him out of there. Some way where he can keep his leg."

Hen and Chimney share a look and a grimace. "Well," Chimney starts as he slowly looks back over at Eddie. "We could get some heavy machinery in here to lift the truck off of him."

"Then do that," Eddie responds, as if it's a no-brainer.

"The thing about that, though," Hen says, "is that he won't be guaranteed to keep his leg. And we don't know when we could get something in here to lift the truck. Depending on how long it takes for something to get here, he... he could die."

Eddie hesitates at that. The very last thing he wants is for Buck to potentially die. He can't lose Buck. But at the same time, he knows how badly it would break Buck's heart to have to lose his leg. Hell, it would break  _Eddie's_ heart to see how devastated Buck would be to have one less half of a leg. But Hen and Chimney are looking at him like they expect  _him_ to make the decision, and Jesus, he really feels like Buck's husband right about now. Getting to make big decisions like this for him. For the two of them. He'll have to dwell on that thought later, though, because he has to decide what they're going to have to do. "I guess we'll have to put him out, then," Eddie finally says, mouth feeling incredibly dry as he considers the consequences of this decision. Will Buck ever forgive him for not doing more to save his leg? Eddie sure hopes so. "Get someone in here to free him from his leg."

"You should probably be the one to tell him the plan," Hen says after a moment. "And you should probably be the one to put him out, too."

"What? Why me?"

"Because he  _trusts_ you," Chimney responds matter-of-factly, as if it's the most obvious answer in the world. At Eddie's look of disbelief, he sighs and continues, "If either of us tries to tell him he's gonna have to lose his leg or tries to put him out, he'll probably try to bite our heads off."

"He trusts you guys, too," Eddie says. "And I think he's gonna freak out about losing his leg no matter  _who_ tells him."

"Oh, please," Hen replies, rolling her eyes. "That boy would jump off a cliff if you told him to in that sweet little voice of yours. Boy is  _whipped_ for you. Besides, you're also, like, the only one who can get him to chill out. Like. At all."

Eddie blushes and stammers uselessly for a moment. He guesses there's no use in trying to argue with her on this, though. There's also not really the  _time_ to argue on this because they really need to get Buck out of here in the hospital already. "Alright, fine, I'll go take care of him."

Chimney grins as he hands Eddie the anesthesia mask. "Hopefully he doesn't kick and scream too much, huh? As much kicking as he really  _can_ do right now."

Eddie only manages a grimace in return as he makes his way back over to Buck cautiously. 

"So?" Buck asks, sniffling as Eddie gets settled onto the asphalt next to him. Eddie reaches for one of Buck's hands with his free hand, gently interlacing their fingers so mindlessly that one would think that its routine at this point. "How- how are we getting me out of here, huh?"

"Buck...  _Evan_... I'm so, so sorry," Eddie murmurs before he even broaches the subject itself.

"Sorry?" Buck asks, the slightly hopeful face he had been wearing falling into something a little more scared. This is going to break his heart, Eddie just knows it. "What for?"

"We're gonna have to cut you free from your leg," Eddie says cautiously after taking a deep breath to prepare himself for the response.

"What? No. Fuck that," Buck says, no hesitation whatsoever. "There's gotta be some other way. I'm not losing my leg."

"Well, we could get some machinery in here to lift the truck off of you, but--"

"That! Let's do that!"

" _But_ ," Eddie continues as he squeezes Buck's hand to try and get Buck to focus on what he's saying. "If we do that, there's no guarantee you'll get to keep your leg." The way Buck's face falls at that breaks Eddie's heart. "I mean, there's a better chance you will, but it's not certain. And- and you might not survive long enough for something to get here."

Buck's quiet for a long while, presumably considering his options. Eventually, with a determined set to his jaw, he says, "Then let me die."

"What?" Eddie doesn't believe what he's just heard.

"Then let me die," Buck replies firmly. "Firefighting is my life. And if I lose my leg, I can't do that anymore. I'll be useless. And I don't want to be useless anymore. So I'll wait. If I can potentially save my leg, then I'm saving my goddamn leg."

"Evan, no," Eddie says. He's already decided—they're cutting Buck's leg off, and that's that. The thought of Buck dying just because he indulged his wish to try and keep his leg attached to him makes Eddie feel sick to his stomach. "No, we're cutting your leg off, and that's final."

"No, fuck that!" Buck shouts, and the fact that Buck's eyes are shiny with unshed tears makes tears spring to the corners of Eddie's eyes. "If there's even a small chance that I can keep my leg, then I'm taking that chance. Without my leg, I can't be a firefighter. And if I'm not a firefighter, then I might as well kill myself, 'cause then I won't have anything else to offer."

"Evan, stop it," Eddie says, frantically blinking back tears. It absolutely shatters his heart in his chest to know that Buck would rather die than have one less half of a leg. "Listen to me. Okay? Listen to me. I know you love helping people. It's something that I love about you, how much you care about other people. But being a firefighter is not the only way to help people, okay? There are other things you can do to help people, even with only one full leg. You can- you can be a 911 operator with Maddie. That way you can still feel like you're part of the action without needing a second leg. You could become a nurse or something. Help save lives every single day. Or you could... I mean, hell, you could become a teacher. Help the next generation grow into themselves. But no matter what you end up doing, you will not be useless, okay? Your leg does not determine your worth. I don't care what you want us to do, because I am not letting you die. I'm not losing you tonight, Evan."

Buck's silent for a long while at that. His eyes dart across Eddie's face before he finally says, "Okay." Eddie tilts his head a little at that. Buck sniffles, uses his free hand to quickly wipe at the tears running down his face. "Cut my leg off, then." He sniffs before nodding to himself. "If you think it's the best idea, then do it."

Eddie lets out a sigh of relief. He was afraid it would take much more convincing to get Buck to realize that this is the best possible idea. He squeezes Buck's hand. "I'll see you on the other side?" he asks as he starts to lift the anesthesia mask.

"Promise you'll be there when I wake up?" Buck asks after a moment's hesitation.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," Eddie tells him sincerely. He leans forward to press a firm kiss to Buck's forehead before gently placing the mask over Buck's nose and mouth. "Everything will be okay, I promise," he says as he gently guides Buck to lay with his head on Eddie's lap.

"Okay," Buck says, voice barely above a whisper. He's clearly trying to put on a brave face, but Eddie knows him better than that—he knows that Buck's scared shitless right about now. And honestly? Eddie's pretty terrified himself. But he just has a feeling, deep down in his gut, that everything's going to be just okay. "I love you," Buck murmurs, voice a little slurred, just a few moments before he finally conks out.

Eddie lets out a sigh, fingers trailing up to gently run through Buck's hair. "I love you, too," he whispers, finally letting the tears he's been holding in fall as some people come over to finally cut Buck free. As he's shooed away from all the commotion, Eddie repeatedly thinks to himself,  _Everything's gonna be okay._ He has no idea if it's true or not, but at least he can hope so.

 

***

 

Thankfully, Chimney allowed Eddie to ride in the ambulance with Buck. If anything, he had encouraged it, glancing between Eddie and Buck's unconscious body with a significant gleam in his eyes. Eddie didn't think about the look on Chimney's face for too long, because he was too busy getting into the ambulance next to Buck and holding his hand tightly. The entire ride had been a little trippy, his eyes almost completely unable to drift away from where Buck's leg once was. But eventually, they made it to the hospital, and Buck was wheeled off for... reasons Eddie hadn't really been paying attention to.

Eddie's sitting restlessly in the waiting room, hands fidgeting and leg bouncing incessantly, when Maddie rushes in frantically. Eddie immediately stands when she reaches him, and suddenly, she's crashing into him, arms thrown around his waist. Eddie doesn't realize how much he's needed a hug until now, melting into it as he throws his arms right back around Maddie. She's silent as she pulls him as close as she can, and Eddie's grateful for that. He doesn't think he's able to really talk coherently just yet, the image of Buck bloodied and crying in his arms still a little too fresh for him to be able to think clearly. Finally, Maddie pulls away from the hug and takes a step back. She tilts her head a little, offers Eddie a sad smile. "How you holding up? Chim told me what happened."

Eddie blinks in surprise at all that. He didn't expect her to be asking him how  _he's_ doing. It's not like it's his brother that just got his leg cut off. And he could've sworn that he had heard that Maddie and Chimney had been stepping away from each other. He frowns a little, gulps as he considers his words. "Not great," he says after a while.

Maddie sniffles a little, reaches up to quickly wipe some stray tears from her face. "I imagine. It's always hard to see someone you love get hurt, huh?" Eddie blinks once before staring at her in surprise. Can it be possible that she already knows how he feels despite him only figuring it out for himself just that night? "I'm surprised you're not already in his room with him."

"Yeah, well," Eddie pauses, gulps and reaches up to rub the back of his neck. "I felt weird about seeing him in his room before you."

Maddie gives him a look that he can't quite decipher for a moment. "Huh." She pauses for a moment. "Let's go see if they'll let us in, yeah?" She gives him a somewhat hopeful smile before turning on her heel to track down a nurse who can tell them where Buck is. Eddie follows after her, only managing to catch up with her fast movements when she reaches the front desk. "Hi, we're here to see an Evan Buckley?" she asks the woman behind the desk, hands braced on it as she leans against it.

The nurse types away on the computer in front of her for a moment before giving Maddie an apologetic look. "Sorry, but we're only allowing family in as of right now."

Maddie blinks at that, seeming briefly taken aback. "Well, I'm his sister."

"Oh," the nurse says before turning to look at Eddie. "Are you his brother?"

Eddie scoffs and says, "No, I'm not his brother."

The nurse smiles with an apologetic tilt of her head. "Sorry, like I said, family only—"

"I'm actually his fiance!" Eddie says quickly, ignoring both the blush that he feels on his cheeks and the pointed stare he feels coming from Maddie. Saying the words feels more right than he'd really care to admit right about now.

The nurse blinks in surprise, clearly taken aback at the rushed words. "Oh. Well. In that case. You're both free to go see him." She rattles off a room number before smiling and nodding at the pair.

"Thanks so much," Maddie says with a smile, grabbing Eddie by the arm and dragging him off down the hallway. Once they're out of the nurse's earshot, she turns her head to look at Eddie as they rush down the hall. "So, you're his fiance now, huh?"

"I panicked," Eddie replies. "And, besides, I promised Buck I'd be there when he wakes up." Eddie ignores the heavy look Maddie's sending him.

"Right," Maddie says, clearly unconvinced. "And you couldn't have just said 'yes' when she asked if you were his brother?"

"I wasn't  _thinking_ , okay?" Eddie says defensively.

Maddie gives him an odd look that he really doesn't like, but he's thankful when she lets the subject drop. Suddenly, she stops walking, and when Eddie realizes that the number next to the door is the same number the nurse told them, he starts feeling a little queasy. He's not completely sure if he's ready to see Buck unconscious in a hospital bed, face bruised and swollen, but hopefully less bloody than earlier that evening. But he promised Buck he'd be there, and he's not about to go back on that promise. "You ready?" Maddie asks quietly, gently squeezing Eddie's arm before letting her hand drop.

Eddie takes a deep breath before nodding slowly. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Maddie doesn't respond, just takes a deep breath of her own before gently pushing in the door of the room Buck's currently holed up in. Eddie doesn't let himself look at Buck until they're both inside the room and the door's shut behind them. They must both look up at him at the same time, because he hears Maddie gasp at the same time as him. Buck's face is as bruised as Eddie had remembered from earlier that evening, but his face is also a little swollen. Thankfully, there isn't blood covering the side of his face like there had been before, but Eddie can't stop remembering how he had looked then. "Jesus Christ," Maddie finally says, voice cracking a little.

"Yeah," Eddie says, and he doesn't realize he's crying until his vision gets blurry. He also doesn't realize his hands are shaking until he reaches up to wipe his tears away.

"Once I find out who's responsible for all these bombings," Maddie says with a determined set to her jaw, "I'm gonna kill them with my bare hands."

Eddie doesn't respond. He  _can't_ respond. His heart's currently a little too broken to be able to find words. Instead, he drifts across the room and settles down in one of the chairs by Buck's side. He sees Maddie do the same on the opposite side of Buck out of the corner of his eyes as he reaches for Buck's hand with both of his, squeezing it gently.

After a moment, Maddie speaks up again. "I'm almost afraid to see what the..." she trails off for a moment. "What the stump looks like."

"Yeah," Eddie agrees, mindlessly bringing Buck's hand up to his mouth to gently kiss his knuckles.

Maddie's quiet for another few moments. "Was it bad?"

It takes Eddie a little while to be able to find his words. He sniffles against Buck's hand. "Yeah. I... I couldn't stop staring at it, when we were in the ambulance." He looks up at Maddie now and sees that she's staring intently at him. He swallows thickly. "I mean, it was partially covered, so I couldn't see the whole thing, but, uh..." he pauses to clear his throat. "Just seeing that there's not a leg where there's supposed to be one, it... It breaks my heart."

Maddie seems to take a second to swallow all that information. "How much of it is gone?" she says, voice cracking with the last word.

Eddie looks back down at Buck, letting go of Buck's hand with one hand just to brush the loose curls out of Buck's face. He can't help but think that Buck's hair looks beautiful like this, a little messy and without gel in it. God, he can't believe he fell in love with this amazing man next to him. "Got it cut just below the knee."

Maddie doesn't have anything to say to that, and Eddie's grateful that she allows them to just sit in silence and watch their boy. Huh, Eddie thinks. Buck really is their boy, isn't he?

Eddie doesn't have time to dwell on that thought for too long because, soon enough, he feels Buck's fingers twitching in his hand. He sits up fully and stares in awe as Buck slowly blinks his eyes open. Eddie just barely hears Maddie gasp from Buck's other side. Buck sleepily glances from Eddie to Maddie and back to Eddie. "You're here," Buck says quietly, voice a little rough.

Eddie chuckles, letting the tears fall freely down his face. "Of course, Ev," Eddie says, gently running his hand through Buck's hair. "I told you I'd be here when you woke up. I wasn't about go back on that promise."

Buck's lower lip wobbles at that, and before Eddie realizes what's happening, Buck's bursting out into to tears. "God, Eds. You're the best. I love you," he murmurs before looking over at Maddie. "Hey, Mads. Thanks for being here."

"Of course, little brother," Maddie replies, voice thick with emotion. "Like I was gonna let Eddie be the first person to see you tonight."

Both Buck and Eddie laugh a little at that. "God, I'm so lucky. I get to be with my two favorite people right now. Almost makes me okay with having one less leg," Buck says, sniffling a little.

Maddie's quiet for just a moment at that. "It's gonna be okay, Buck. You know why?"

"Why?"

" _Because_ ," Maddie says, throwing a significant look Eddie's way. "You've got the two people who love you more than anyone else here by your side. And I know I'm not gonna leave you any time soon. What about you, Eddie?"

Buck glances over at Eddie, and it takes him a moment to come up with an answer he's satisfied with. "I'm not going anywhere, Ev," he says finally. The grin Buck gives him in response is blinding, and it leaves butterflies floating around in his stomach and makes his heart skip a few beats. He grins right back. "As long as you want me, I'm here."

Buck's smile only gets wider. "I do. Want you, that is."

Eddie grins, and before he can think himself out of it, he leans down and kisses Buck gently. He feels Buck jolt in surprise a little, but then Buck returns the kiss, and Eddie's heart feels warm and full of love. When Eddie feels Buck smile against his lips, he knows that everything's going to be just fine. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, everything's going to be okay. And Eddie can't wait for it.


End file.
